by Angela Perez

For my daily exercise, I don’t get on the treadmill every day, nor do I lift weights. Not these days, anyway. But I do write every single day. I force myself to “free write” to get my head on straight each morning. Sometimes, I stare at a blank screen for 5 minutes, unable to think of anything to say. When this happens, I use prompts to get the intellectual juices flowing. Today, I used this prompt, “Is my life what I pictured it to be a year ago?”

For me, that answer is “no.” A year ago, I was planning to sell my house and move to South Florida. No ifs, ands, or buts; I was going to move down there and scuba dive every day. But once I finally got a realtor and discovered just how expensive the Miami/Ft. Lauderdale areas truly are, and with all of the hurricane-related insurance expenses that go along with it, I realized that I simply did not want to spend that kind of money to swim with turtles every weekend. I’d be too much in debt from housing to spend on expenseive scuba gear.

And so, over the course of the year, that dream changed. I am, however, somewhere I never dreamed I’d be – committed to not drinking alcohol. Before, I imagined life as dull and grey and dreary without it – but, over the course of this last year, I discovered that each time I imbibed, life became a bit more dull, grey, and dreary. So, to answer the prompt – one year ago, I imagined myself today lounging on a yacht in Miami Beach with a gin cocktail in hand and my dive gear beside me. Instead, I am here in Raleigh, North Carolina with a nice hot cup of coffee, planning the Christmas dinner menu that I’ll make for my folks in eastern NC (I’m making hot water cornbread this year, baby!). And, most unexpectedly, I am happier than I have been in years.

I feel free and liberated by my choices, particularly the one to quit drinking. Anxiety falls away exponentially by acknowledging and rectifying decisions that add to my stress instead of taking it away. Odd, how long it took me to see the negative role alcohol was playing in my life. But that’s how bad relationships work, don’t they? I should note, that as part of my commitment to an alcohol-free life, I have been inspired to get back into the gym, to feel even better than I already do and to have the stamina to embrace all that the world has in store for me.

And I use this prompt with you, dear friends: “Is your life what you pictured it to be a year ago?” I would love to hear from you about this.