by Angela Perez

First, thank you to everyone who encouraged me and reached out when I announced last week that I decided to quit drinking alcohol. If you decide to moderate, cut back, or completely stop drinking, you may decide to tell no one. Or, like me, you may decide to publicly announce it (for me, announcing it made me feel more accountable for my decision and granted me space to write about it to help others who are thinking about making changes). When you make the procolamation that your relationship with alcohol is changing, not everyone will cheer you on. Some will become defensive, annoyed that you seem to be calling out their own drinking habits. Some will be curious, nosy, or baffled – why would you deny yourself one of the great pleasures of life? They will look at you with pity, “Oh, you poor thing!” Remember, alcohol consumption is a very, very personal activity and, since we are all the center of our own universe, other folks’ reactions will be more about them, and not much about you at all. Your closest friends and family will support you and cheer you on, but you cannot entrust an outside audience to hold you to your new lifestyle. Oh, no, you must be your own keeper, my friend. There is no other way to successfully stick to your hard-won choice.

Since announcing my decision to leave alcohol behind, several folks have mentioned to me that they have thought about either quitting drinking altogether or cutting back. Especially my middle-aged friends who find that spirits don’t agree with their bodies like they used to. They asked me how I finally decided to let it go. I will say this: if you are considering it, there is some part of you that at least either physically and/or mentally is nagging at you to take a break, to moderate, or give it up – but you are in the “bargaining phase,” telling yourself things like, “I’ll quit after the holidays,” “I’ll moderate once all of these parties and get togethers are over,” “I’ll cut back to drinking only on the weekends,” “I’ll stop after two drinks,” and so on and so forth. You know the drill. We’ve all said these things to ourselves.

Trust me, I know – I was in that damn limbo phase for a year. I knew that physically, I just couldn’t keep going with it and that, mentally, it only served to make me anxious and depressed. Like any bad relationship; sometimes we beat that dead horse to death until we’re wallowing about in bludgeoned meat and crushed bones and blood-soaked earth before we see things for what they really are. I’ve dated toxic men. Still, I kept going back to them for ages and ages, and it was the same way with alcohol. Past the initial flutter of numbness and pageantry, it gave me nothing and took a whole hell of a lot.

If you are “sober curious,” then you are probably ready to make changes. Know this: from the moment you make that decision, even if it doesn’t last forever, you will feel anxiety, sadness, worry, and stress fall away from you. Quitting or moderating won’t solve all of your problems (for many, those problems are why they were drinking in the first place), but it sure as hell sets you up to build your self-esteem and sense of adventure back up and primes you to live life to your full potential. Note, this message is not for folks who have a healthy, happy balance with alcohol – those lucky people who physically and mentally feel great after imbibing and have a nice relationship with it. For those folks, good for you! But for those who want to make changes for all sorts of reasons, just taking that first step of detailing and defining that change for yourself will uplift you instantly.