by Angela Perez
How in this overwrought, God-forsaken world does one NOT drink alcohol? It seemed impossible for someone like me. I wanted to quit for years but just couldn’t pull the trigger after grappling with the numbing bliss of old routines, pain, ennui, malaise, boredom, chronic discontent, etc. Though I was sick and tired of drinking and feeling hungover, guilty, and anxious, I could never get beyond vaguely mulling over the fact that I wanted and needed to quit.
Finally, unsatisfied with the unreality of an alcohol-soaked life, I decided to look for books written by folks who had already barreled through the struggle of quitting and had made it safely to the other side. That book was “The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober,” by Catherine Gray. I listened to the book on Amazon’s Audible while driving the car. I swear, everytime she spoke, it was as if she was speaking directly to me. There were so many times during her story when I gasped and exclaimed, “OH MY GOD, THAT’S ME!” The description of the book on Goodreads notes:
Ever sworn off alcohol for a month and found yourself drinking by the 7th? Think there’s ‘no point’ in just one drink? Welcome! There are millions of us.
Catherine Gray was stuck in a hellish whirligig of Drink, Make horrible decisions, Hangover, Repeat. She had her fair share of ‘drunk tank’ jail cells and topless-in-a-hot-tub misadventures. But this book goes beyond the binges and blackouts to deep-dive into uncharted territory: What happens after you quit drinking? This gripping, heart-breaking and witty book takes us down the rabbit-hole of an alternative reality. A life with zero hangovers, through sober weddings, sex, Christmases and breakups.
In The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, Catherine Gray shines a light on society’s drink-pushing and talks to top neuroscientists and psychologists about why we drink, delving into the science behind what it does to our brains and bodies. Much more than a tale from the netherworld of addicted drinking, this book is about the escape, and why a sober life can be more intoxicating than you ever imagined. Whether you’re a hopelessly devoted drinker, merely sober-curious, or you’ve already ditched the drink, you will love this book.
Books like Gray’s help me comprehend that I am not alone in my experiences. Most drinkers who drink more than they should have all been there at some point (or at most points). My alcohol-free life requires constant introspection, which includes reading about a clean and clear lifestyle from folks who have been where I have been. Those writers have street credit with me – which is vital for someone who has been there and done it all.
Recently, the New York Times put together a list of eight books to help with sobriety:
When people start to evaluate their relationship with alcohol, they often “collect different prompts and data points,” said Aaron Weiner, a clinical psychologist practicing in Chicago. “Books are one of these data points” that help people realize they might have a problem, he said.
We asked more than a dozen addiction experts, sobriety counselors, podcasters and people in recovery to share the books they found most helpful.
The list, compiled by journalist Hope Reese, includes:
- ‘We Are the Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life,’ by Laura McKowen
Ms. McKowen, a podcaster who founded the community The Luckiest Club, sees sobriety “as being free,” Ms. Kearns said.
Straightforward, relatable and full of personal stories, Ms. McKowen writes about “how hard, lonely and scary early sobriety is,” said Casey McGuire Davidson, a sobriety coach and host of “The Hello Someday Podcast.”
“It’s something many women feel but don’t talk about,” she said.
- ‘Dry: A Memoir,’ by Augusten Burroughs
In “Dry,” Mr. Burroughs recounts dealing with alcoholism and recovery. Eric Reinach, who works in addiction treatment marketing, picked up the book months before he stopped drinking. He wanted to read an experience of sobriety that felt authentic, he said, “not simply a tale of everything improving with abstinence from alcohol.”
Now Mr. Reinach recommends it to anyone who might identify as a problem drinker “with the idea that they may relate to his story, and the sometimes-rocky path to getting sober.”
- ‘Stash: My Life in Hiding,’ by Laura Cathcart Robbins
In “Stash,” Ms. Robbins offers a candid look at a Black woman grappling with addiction. She was married to a Hollywood director and writes openly about how glamour and privilege could not save her from her problems.
Black authors are largely absent from quit lit, and the treatment landscape is very white-centric, said Ryan Cain, executive director of Fund Recovery, a nonprofit that provides access to treatment programs. But stories like “Stash” can help reduce stigma around addiction, he said. “Black women are treated differently in recovery,” said Emily Lynn Paulson, recovery coach and founder of the Sober Mom Squad. “The expectations on them are different.”
- ‘This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life,’ by Annie Grace
In “This Naked Mind,” Ms. Grace explores the psychological, neurological and social forces that influenced her addiction, and reveals “the powerful marketing that goes into convincing us that drinking helps us to relax and connect and have more fun,” Ms. Davidson said.
“It’s one of those books you read that gives you such an inside look at alcohol and the industry,” she said. “You can’t unsee it.”
- ‘The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober,’ by Catherine Gray
During early sobriety, many people wonder if they can still have fun without alcohol, Mr. Cain said. Ms. Gray tackles this misconception by presenting tools that helped her through the first month of her recovery. She explores moments like crying uncontrollably, taking long baths, and learning to recognize her addictive voice, Ms. Davidson said.
Ms. Gray “helps you see that you’re not weak but strong for stopping drinking and going against the grain,” she said.
- ‘Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book,’ by William G. Wilson (Bill W.)
“The Big Book” is the definitive book in the 12-step recovery program, outlining how 100 people in Alcoholics Anonymous quit drinking.
Published in 1939, however, it doesn’t resonate with everyone. The word “God,” for instance, might turn people off, Mr. Cain said. It’s also dated and really rigid, he said. Yet there’s a reason it’s one of the most popular books on alcoholism, with more than 30 million copies sold. And it has been translated into over 70 languages.
“Parts of it are stilted and sexist and stuck in a culture decades old,” said Elizabeth Vargas, member of the board of directors for the Partnership to End Addiction. “Yet parts of it stand the test of time.”
- ‘Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Deep Connection, and Limitless Presence Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol,’ by Ruby Warrington
Much of what keeps people from getting sober — worries about social life, friendships and dating — is addressed in “Sober Curious.” Ms. Warrington also shares advice on getting through “firsts,” like the first wedding or holiday party you attend without drinking alcohol.
It’s “less black-and-white” than ‘The Big Book,’” Mr. Reinach said. “It reminds me of the many things I have gained from being sober.”
- ‘Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol,’ by Holly Whitaker
“Quit Like a Woman,” became enormously popular when Chrissy Teigen posted on Instagram that it helped her quit drinking. It’s Ms. Whitaker’s personal story, interwoven with critiques of societal forces, like marketing, that keep women hooked on alcohol.
Ms. Whitaker is controversial in the recovery community, Ms. Davidson said. (The author published a critique of A.A. in 2019.) “People either love or hate” this book, she said, “and I absolutely love it.”
